Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
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She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
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Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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