The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Randomize
