sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
