Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He told me they were just razor bumps!
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
