If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize