party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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