Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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