I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Holy sore nipples Batman
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Bring me that man meat
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
