my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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