if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
