is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
