bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
