Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
