Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
