i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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