complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
