We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
