My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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