hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
