My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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