all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
