You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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