I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize