I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
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I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
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We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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