is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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