Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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