she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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