U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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