You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
