Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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