I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
