Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
