just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
