Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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