oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
