we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
