Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
