i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
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