She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
