dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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