If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
