last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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