Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
