My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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