I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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