I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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