I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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