So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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