So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
