New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
