She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
