This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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