I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
