Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
