How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My dick has a subreddit
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize