69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
