After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
