One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
