I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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