so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
