I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
