It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
