there's paper in my vomit.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
